Some difficult weeks

**Warning this post is super long**

October started out pretty tough. On September 26th I was bleeding for most of the day. I called my doctor's office and they told me that if I wanted to have an ultrasound done I could drive to West Valley or wait until Monday.  I figured that if I was miscarrying that there wasn't anything that could be done to stop it and so having an ultra sound that day wouldn't change the course of things, so I decided to wait until Monday when I could go to my doctor's office which is close by.  Luckily I stopped bleeding that night and just spotted on Friday. I went to the temple on Friday and felt really good about everything. I just had this feeling that Heavenly Father wants us to have children and a family and whatever happened would be okay.  It really calmed my fears and made me feel good about trusting in His plan for me and my family.

Monday was the ultrasound. Daniel was able to get off of work and Anna babysat Variah for us-I told her I had my annul exam.  During the ultrasound the tech, Nancy, was able to take a picture of the baby and get a heartbeat.  It was only 80 bpm so we were scheduled for another ultrasound the following week to see if the baby had grown and if the heartbeat was stronger.  She said the bleeding was a subchorionic hematoma, something pretty common in pregnancies.

The following Monday, we got a neighbor to watch Variah and we "went out on a date to get ice cream and celebrate our upcoming anniversary".  Daniel and I were both hopeful that all would be well with our little one especially since I was still having pregnancy symptoms. At the doctor's office the ultra sound tech was unable to see anything in my uterus other than some debris and therefore didn't try for a heartbeat.  She told me that it looked like my body had absorbed everything. There was a spot on the ultrasound but she said it was just leftover debris.  Because she was the only medical personnel there, she had to call one of the on call doctors for instructions for us since I had had a miscarriage. We were told to go home and would hear from someone in the morning.

I didn't hear from anyone the following day. I called and called, but didn't get any return calls.  I finally asked to speak to the on all nurse at the end of the day. She had me come in to have my HCG levels checked.

The next day my doctor's nurse called me to confirm the ultrasound scan and miscarriage.  She said that there was a small 2 cm cyst on my left ovary and that my HCG levels were at 62,000.  The levels were high but my doctor wasn't concerned. I was then scheduled for a follow up on Oct. 16th.

On Monday morning, Oct. 14th, Daniel flew out of town to Miami for 4Life's Convention.  It is the biggest event 4Life holds every 18 months.  Distributors and employees from all over the world fly in for this week long event. It usually falls on our anniversary (10/14) or my birthday (9/9).

On Wednesday I had my friend Dani, watch Variah and I headed to the dr.'s office for the follow up, expecting to be home in 30 minutes.  When I met with Dr. Twelves, I called Daniel and put him on speaker phone so he could be a part of the appointment.  At first my dr just gave us the general information according to a normal miscarriage while she waited for her nurse to bring her the ultrasound scans. After chatting with her about the whole pregnancy, the bleeding, the 2 ultra sound scans and the fact that I hadn't bled again since that day in Septmeber, she went looking for the scans and I went to have my HCG levels tested again.  I then met with her again and she said that according to the second scan, it looked like there was still fluid in my uterus and that she wanted to have me get another ultrasound to see if there was any fluid left since the 2nd ultra sound had been a week before.  Luckily, thanks for everyone 's prayers, the tech Nancy remembered me from September and squeezed me in despite having another patient.  If she hadn't squeezed me in, I would have had to go to West Valley for a scan.  And even crazier, she had tried to call in sick that day due to a migraine but ended up coming in to the office. Talk about answered prayers for us!  As Nancy began scanning things, she started seeing things.  Everything she had seen from the first scan was there!  She couldn't get a heartbeat, but she could see the sack and a shape that she was calling baby.  WHAT?! She was able to measure the sack and it measured 6 weeks and a day. Right where I had been at that second ultrasound. The cyst was gone, so that was a good things. Nancy told me that the cyst is a typical thing women get when they are pregnant. It can be called a pregnancy cyst. Who knew?  So I met with Dr. Twelves again.  This time she gave me the option of having a D&C or taking a pill to open up the cervix to help things out.  I opted for the prescription since Daniel was out of town.  I left the office almost 2 hours after getting there!

That afternoon I called to see what my HCG levels were since my doctor had told me that they should be in the negatives.  At the same time she was calling me to tell me she had scheduled an operating room for the next day at 10:00 so I could have a D&C. She said my HCG levels had gone up to 67,000 and that she was concerned my pregnancy had been a partial molar pregnancy.  I immediately called Daniel and told him everything.  He was able talk thank goodness because usually he is in meetings or social gatherings and he isn't able to answer his phone or talk.  Past conventions we haven't been able to talk until 10 or 11 at night.  Another tender mercy.  I then called my mom to see if she would be able to come to the hospital with me the next day.  Luckily she had been babysitting for my brother that day and because of that she wasn't at the Bountiful Temple volunteering like she does most Wednesdays from 3-10 pm.  She drove out to my house that night at 8:30 to be with me.  Daniel was able to get ahold of 2 of our friends to come give me a priesthood blessing.  I was so thankful they were able to come over and give me a blessing of peace and comfort.  I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood!  Daniel talked to his boss who gave Daniel permission to fly home, in fact when Daniel explained things to him his boss didn't hesitate and said he could go. Daniel was up at 3 am to catch a 5:30 flight the next morning to be home at 10:30.  I then called Daniel's mom to see if she could be with Variah while I was at the hospital.  She agreed and said she would be there before I needed to leave for the hospital.

The next day my mom and I left at 8:30 for the hospital.  When we got to the parking lot, my doctor called to tell me she had been thinking/worrying about me all night long.  She was worried that we could have gotten our dates wrong and that I was pregnant and that is why my HCG levels had gone up and why the scan went from nothing to something.  She wanted me to wait a week to make sure. I explained to her that I would love to be pregnant but at that point I hadn't had pregnancy symptoms for a week, I had taken 3 pregnancy tests in September and August with one being positive on Sept. 13th and other facts like that.  She agreed that I probably wasn't pregnant and that we should still do the D&C.  Whoa! My mind was spinning like crazy.  I told my mom about the phone conversation and she said I had to have an ultra sound before they did the D&C.  (My mom miscarried her first pregnancy and then 2 weeks later felt like she was still pregnant.  Her dr said it wasn't possible because the body need longer to heal before getting pregnant, but low and behold she was pregnant and it was with me!) So needless to say, she was a bit on edge after the phone call and the upcoming D&C.  I got all prepped for surgery and explained to the staff our situation.  By the time Dr. Twelves arrived Daniel had landed at the airport and was on his way, my mom was crying because she'd told me that a molar pregnancy could result in cancer (something I didn't know/purposely hadn't researched about) and I was just in a brain whirlwind from everything that had happened in 24 hours. Luckily Dr. Twelves was very confident about things by that point and felt that I wasn't pregnant and the D&C would be the best option.  So in I went.

While I was asleep and after the procedure, Dr. Twelves told Daniel she hoped to hear back from the Pathologists on Monday wether the pregnancy was a normal miscarriage or a molar pregnancy.

I woke up 2 hours later wrapped in those amazing warm hospital blankets to the sound of my husband's voice.  It was so very comforting to see his smiling face after everything I'd gone through! It felt so good to just hug him.  After awhile I was able to go home.  My mom stayed for most of the day so that Daniel could sleep and she could spend time with Variah.

We found out on Wednesday, Oct. 23rd that the pathology report stated that it was not a molar pregnancy but a normal miscarriage.

Talk about a crazy couple of weeks! I was so overwhelmed with love and support from family, friends and neighbors!  People bringing us dinners, visits, text messages, hugs, flowers, phone calls, treats and goodies, emails, etc. The list goes on and on.  Daniel and I talked about how we've prayed for others knowing it was helpful, but not ever really knowing how helpful because we've never been through a trial like this to be on the receiving end.  Over and over again we saw tender mercies and answered prayers through out this whole process.  To say we are thankful is an understatement.  I still get emotional when I think of all the love and support we felt from everyone.  I truly am so thankful for such love. Going through something like this wasn't easy, but going through it with such support and love made it easier.

A picture for Daniel just before surgery to show him I was okay and would see him soon

After surgery-the nurses obviously didn't want me to be cold

Here are just a FEW of the acts of kindness

Flowers from the Taylors

Flowers from my Relief Society President

A box of sunshine from Anna

Thank you all so much for your love!